The LORD is My Shepherd I Shall Not Want

This is a journal that I had to write for a class. It was my response to chapter 14 from the book Renovation of the Heart In Daily Practice by Dallas Willard and Jan Johnson. (Which I would highly recommend anyone to work through-fyi) I apologize if it gets a little confusing having not read the chapter from the book. The chapter was about self denial and the 'experiment' at the end of the chapter called me to read through Psalm 23 and to "Picture this sheep who is surrounded by green pastures yet isn't on his feet munching away. This sheep is so full and satisfied that he contentedly lies down without needing even a bite. Move through the verse.. fill in the blanks with your life."

This chapter could not have come at a more opportune time. God had already been teaching me a lesson in self denial.

This morning I was sitting at the lake/pond/puddle and pondering God’s will for my life because ‘life had so greatly let me down.’ My heart was broken after things had not worked out. I spent time in prayer asking questions; then I read some scripture before taking my walk. I read Psalm 147, which praises God for how awesome He is and how great His love and power are. I read the words saying; “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. He counts the numbers of the stars; He gives names to all of them.” (Ps 147:3-4 NASB) I couldn’t understand those words. I felt like the circumstances He had given me had broken my heart; certainly He isn’t healing it. I felt like He had just forgotten completely about me; yet He knows the stars?

I went out on a walk and determined to be silent and let God answer me (after all He had a lot to answer for, right?) Over the next 45 minutes of a steady, cool wind, watching geese, and staring at the rippling water, while waiting for God’s answer, He brought me to the realization that He is God, and I am not. I was broken because my plans did not work; not because He has forgotten about me. The world has not come to an end and the sky has not fallen; only my plans have. I have to put aside myself, my plans, and seek His plans.

The chapter continued to build on what God had already been doing this morning. When I read Psalm 23, tears ran down my cheeks as I imagined God as my shepherd, making me lie down in green pastures and leading me by still waters. He had restored my soul. He was guiding me in the paths of righteousness for His names sake. I know that even if I walk through the valley of the shadow of death (which, now, sounds a tad bit worse than my current circumstances) I will fear no evil, because He is with me! His rod and His staff; they comfort me. He has prepared a table for me in these hard times, anointed my head with oil, and He is overflowing my cup. Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever!

I then re-read Psalm 147 knowing that it was not God that had broken my heart, but that I had. Having experienced firsthand how He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. I was left in awe of His power and his mercy. I just had to step down from sitting in God’s throne in my life to understand it. God has restored my broken soul this morning.

I am posting this hoping that you might put God back on His throne if you're sitting in it, and that He would restore your soul as well.

Willard, Dallas. Johnson, Jan. Renovation of the Heart in Daily Practice. Colorado Springs, CO: NAVPRESS, 2006.